On Resting & Slowing down: What to do when Guilt makes it hard to take a Break

and Questions to Ask Yourself .

Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for getting less done during the day than you have hoped for?

Perhaps when you have free time, you feel pulled to doing something productive and if you do not, you think that you are wasting precious time that you could be using for doing something that is more important.

Perhaps you feel a sense of urgency, pressure, need and/or expectation to hustle. It seems like the to-do-list never ends.

We live in a grind culture in which busyness is oftentimes viewed as a good thing. The system we live in does not encourage a rest culture. Instead, it often rewards productivity.

The moment you try to slow down, the inner critic within you starts questioning if you are lazy and unproductive. It might start off as a soft whisper and gradually becomes louder than any nurturing part in you that is urging you to take a break. This voice is possibly one you heard growing up from society that you have now internalized.

When guilt and self-judgment creep in, this creates more overwhelm – you eventually keep hustling in order to avoid feelings of guilt.

Or perhaps you have trouble enjoying your free time while thinking about the next thing you have to do. Another common struggle is saying yes to doing a task when you needed to say no.

So how do you shift our relationship with work and rest? How do you come back to the truth that we are human BE-ings and not human DO-ings?

There is no quick and easy way to do this – it takes time and consistent effort to make shifts.

Here are some suggestions of ways to deal with guilt when it shows up – these suggestions include some that are adapted and taken from Tricia Hersey’s book, Rest is Resistance and Devon Price’s book, Laziness Does Not exist.

Remind yourself of the Inherent value of Rest and Slowing down

Resting allows your whole being to feel restored and rejuvenated. It creates space to move towards holistic wellness – mind, body, soul and spirit. It increases your capacity to be fully present with yourself and others.

You are not resting to be productive - realise that rest itself is worthwhile for its own sake. You might do better work as a natural outflow of rest but this is not the main reason you rest. You rest simply because you need to.

Befriend the Discomfort that comes when you take a break

In other words, get comfortable with being less productive than what society expects of you – this is not easy as you might also find that your self-worth is tied to how much you do. Know that you are so much more than what you do.

What would it be like to give yourself permission to do less and to focus less on outcomes? Consider focusing more on the values that you desire to live out and on savouring each present moment.

Listen to the Wisdom of your Body and Honour your needs

Notice any tiredness, tension, tightness or heaviness that you feel in any part of your body. Also notice where in your body is most relaxed. When you practice tuning into the signals from your nervous system, you can move towards tending to any need that arises.

Honour your needs by making movements that you like and that are relaxing, such as dancing, placing your hand on your heart and taking in a deep belly breath.

Give yourself permission to not wait for Perfection

Notice if you tell yourself that you can only rest when you have checked all the boxes on your to-do list for the day. You can integrate rest into your day in small ways. Rest does not necessarily need to take up a whole day.

Rest can be something you do in a 15-minute moment you take for yourself. It can look however it need to be for your unique life circumstances. Read on for ideas.

Connect to the nurturing part in you by practicing Self-Compassion

You are not being lazy. However, it is hard to convince yourself of that when it is this belief that is ingrained within you due to the grind culture we live in. Be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the compassion that you would give to another friend who tells you that they need a break from constant doing.

Take time to listen to the voice of your inner nurturer – what is it telling you? What would your younger you thank you for if you took time for yourself?

Resting and Slowing Down simply because it is your Right to do so

You might feel that you only deserve to rest if there is a good enough reason, if you have worked hard enough or if you have met certain productivity goals. You are worthy of rest and you deserve rest no matter how productive you have been in your day, week, or month.

Know that rest is not a luxury and not something that has to be earned or justified. Rest is not a waste of time. It is a human need and a human right.

Here are some questions and ideas of rest to ponder, including some taken and adapted from Tricia Hersey’s book, Rest is Resistance and from Gabor Mate’s book, The Myth of Normal.

Questions to ask yourself

• Where, when and how can I find a moment of rest?

• Where did I, today or this week, needed/wanted to say ‘no’ but ended up giving a ‘yes’ (or a silence)?

• What does intentional rest and self-care look like for me?

• If there were no barriers, what would be your ideal rest look like?

Here are some ideas of what resting could look like:

• Closing your eyes for 5 minutes  

• Sitting on the couch and reading a few pages of your favourite book

• Taking time to eat your favourite snack and savouring it

• Spending extra time in the shower and not rushing through it

• Taking a leisurely walk out in nature, dancing and making movements that you enjoy

• Tuning into any pleasant sounds, scents, sights while on a nature walk

• Taking time to make a cup of tea and savouring it

• Not immediately responding to texts and emails

• Saying no to people/tasks so you can say yes to yourself

There are different types of rest and it takes time to figure out the types of rest you need to nurture your soul.

Note: If you have experienced trauma, you might find it difficult to rest or slow down as your nervous system might perceive slowing down to be unsafe even though in reality it is a safe thing to do. I encourage you to reach out to a trauma therapist to start the process of healing.

Here at Anchored Hearts Counselling and Grief Therapy, we would be glad to support you in shifting your relationship with rest. You do not have to do this alone. If you are ready to reach out today, connect with us here.